(Editor’s note: Chill out, grammar police. The word is spelled that way on purpose.)
Retirement. That word conjures different images depending on one’s circumstances. Shawn joined me in this classification of American citizenship last May, and for the uninitiated, that means that we are now together 24x7x365. For real. My life and hers, entwined the way God intended. I’m in love with her, and I give thanks for her presence in my life. Here’s a verse I copied from my prayer list which sums up my feelings, a verse I have repeated in my thoughts, words and prayers many times in our forty plus years together:
The man who finds a wife finds a treasure, and he receives favor from the LORD.
Proverbs 18:22 NLT
Shawn is a gem indeed, but, sometimes, oh man, can we get on each other’s nerves! Retirement requires some ingenuity, inspiration and adjustments to survive. Picture the daily grind of living while marooned on a deserted island. Constant togetherness tests the depth of our commitment to each other and to God.
Count Your Blessings
Lots of folks never make it to retirement with the spouse they paired with at the start. The realities of death and divorce take their toll. Some arrive at retirement with mobility issues. Others reach the happy land with health issues that cloud their days.
We’re blessed. Both of us emit strange noises when arising from a garden bed after a weeding or planting session. Shawn’s diminished hearing brings a new flavor to conversations. I can’t see as well as I once did, and I play trombone with my phone to read emails and texts. And what is up with all these floaters traversing my eyeballs?
Seriously, we are blessed. We recognize that truth, and we give the glory to God. I am finding, and more so each day, that retirement is not a deserted island but a dessert-ed island. So many blessings. So many positives. And such a wonderful person to share it with.
Now I join Shawn for grocery shopping on Thursdays (Harris Teeter’s Senior Discount Day!), and truthfully, I don’t shop. I hunt. I take the list, zoom up and down the aisles at a safe pace while dodging all the old people who push their buggies exactly as they drive their cars, grab the prizes, and load the cart in a particular order. My most-used phrase is “What’s next?” The sooner we are motoring homeward the better. Some days I spice things up and buy Shawn a latte (shaken not stirred) or whatever she prefers from the kiosk at the front of the store. Other days she treats me to one of those giant pretzels in the bread department.
We moved
We’ve relocated to a larger house with massive garden potential. Not the move most people make in retirement, but abundant blessings have sprouted up around us in this change. We are at home here though I can get lost in the space. The snoopy chick on the iPhone, Siri, if she were to share what she knows, would give these phrases as the most common we speak in a given day:
- “Where are you?”
- “I can’t hear you.”
- “Can you text me?”
- “Are you up or down?”
- “What?”
What day is it?
I have little concept of the day of the week now, and would describe retirement as months filled with Saturdays. Sweet! I can scratch out a project design as I down my Cheerios and chug my Juicy-Juice, hop in the truck, drive to Lowes or Home Depot to buy supplies, and be in the shop working well before lunch. A while back Shawn had such a project in mind and tried to enlist me to help by inviting me to accompany her to the Depot. I responded without hesitation, “I don’t want to go anywhere hear Home Depot on Saturday morning, Dear.”
Her reply confirmed my impressions that retirement is like an island filled with dessert, “Honey, its Tuesday!”
“Well, Babe, grab your shoes and let’s go. We’re burning daylight! And Bojangles is on the way home.”
In this rapturous existence I must be careful though. It is easy to take someone for granted, or become so use to her that I skip the pleasantries in my words, and bypass consideration for her feelings in my actions. I must watch my steps, my words and my tone, and I’ve added Bible verses on speech and marriage to my prayer list so I might review each morning.
Some days I nail it…and other days…I go down in flames.
The secret to a happy retirement
Read these next verses. I have them printed on a bright red card at my desk because God convicted me in a big way as I studied them. These could easily be the secret to a happy retirement, a thriving marriage, or the best way to get along with others in any relationship.
So, as those who have been chosen of God, holy and beloved, put on a heart of compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience; bearing with one another, and forgiving each other, whoever has a complaint against anyone; just as the Lord forgave you, so also should you. Beyond all these things put on love, which is the perfect bond of unity.
Colossians 3:12-14 NASB
Note the actions expected on my part – put on, bearing, forgiving, put on. I must choose to mix these ingredients into my life. They aren’t going to pop up by themselves.
Here’s a diagram (yes, I am an engineer) to help us grasp the process. My desire to treat others appropriately begins with the foundational awareness of the magnificently wonderful way God treats me. He calls me chosen, holy, and beloved. Chosen. Holy. Beloved. Wow!
From that foundation I build upwards adding one course on top another. Compassion, kindness and gentleness I get, but that word humility surprised me. Until I parked at Philippians 2 for a while.
Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind regard one another as more important than yourselves; do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others.
Philippians 2:3-4 NASB
It is easy to think my opinions are the only ones that matter. That my accomplishments exceed those of another. That my experience and wisdom are binding on others (if only they would listen). Ego. Pride. Self-inflation. Yep, humility fits right into a list describing how to value others.
Patience, bearing and forgiving mean that I carry no grudges. No matter the complaint I stand ready to forgive, forget, and move on. Note how Paul described love in that passage from 1 Corinthians that we love to include in wedding ceremonies.
[Love] is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged.
1 Corinthians 13:5 NLT Selected
God forgave me. And I wronged Him far more than anyone will ever wrong me. I need to follow His example and extend the consideration of forgiveness to others, no matter what.
And cap it all off with love. OK, someone is baking something downstairs on this island of desserts. I better go see if there might be a spoon or a beater or a bowl to lick before I clean up the kitchen.
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