Time for some Father’s Day contemplation. It is sobering to realize we will not know how well we did as Dads, until it is too late to change the outcome. As old hippies used to say, “That’s heavy, man!”

How is success as a Dad measured? Does it depend on my children becoming mini-me’s? Must they win gold medals and be dubbed champions? Or is my success determined by how independently my children tackle life and stand on their own feet? Perhaps there is some other standard of measurement?

As I sat on the porch, Mr. Bluebird stopped by. I built a house for him and his wife several years ago, and although I have no idea where they spend the winter, each spring they return for another round of parenting. He followed his trail of deception, a series of smaller flights designed to prevent observers from knowing the location of his nest. I knew where he was headed, and I waited to capture his picture.

I was distracted by the visit but my thoughts quickly returned to the deep questions. Maybe you are a Dad, too, wondering how the whole Dad thing is going. Let me share some goals we need to keep in focus, men. Pursing these will sustain us in the hard times all Dads face. Our quest to reach these goals will impact our kids for the better.

The right choice

As I watched Mr. Bluebird, he was not alone in the garden. There were chicks on the move – a cardinal, several finches, a towhee, and various robins. The birds strutted their stuff all over the place, but Mr. Bluebird was not interested. He lived a choice to be 100% devoted to Mrs. Bluebird.

Dads, in a world where marriages are often viewed as temporary, there is no greater choice than 100% devotion to Mom. Work together, through good times and bad, to build your relationship. Give your kids the safety that comes from a loving home and provide a place where they can thrive. Offer them the best chance you can in life, and that starts with your commitment to their Momma.

Willingness to sacrifice

Raise your hands, men, if you’ve driven on tires so bald the air shows through? Does your closet have a single suit, the one you’ve worn for years, the one that has been in and out of style multiple times during your ownership? Are there dreams you’ve shoved to the back burner in favor of Little League, dance class, or swim team? The operative word is sacrifice. Sacrifice is not wearing a long face and reminding the family regularly how much we put out. Sacrifice is an internal decision we make because we are men and because we see the bigger picture. The role of successful Dad demands a willingness to sacrifice.

As I watched Mr. Bluebird, it was a good day for a joy flight. He could splatter a newly washed BMW or defile a gleaming Mercedes. A nap on a cool shaded limb might be pleasant, but he stayed on task. He upheld his position with honor as he put his family first. His attention was focused on their needs above all else.

Eternal vigilance

Mr. Bluebird is protective of his family. He guards and watches. Although I am his good neighbor, he has no qualms strafing me if I move too close to the nest. Errant squirrels are flapped away. Larger birds are confronted. Mr. Bluebird is up for any challenge. He knows the tiny fledglings have no awareness of danger.

Part of our role as Dad is to protect our families. We know to lock the door at night and keep the bug spray out of the reach of the little tricycle motors, but there is more. What sneaks into our home via the Internet or the TV? Which friends are providing the wrong influence on our children and can we help with the steering? Am I concerned about the values my children adopt and do I want to be prime for teaching those? Can I, as a mature male, make a difference in my child’s life? If I think the answer is “yes”, am I ready to get off the couch and get it done? Dad is not a hands-off role.

Patience and hard work

There is always a plugged drain or a toilet that won’t stop running. The lawn needs mowing every week. Cars make funny sounds and emit fluids that are supposed to be contained. Leaves fall, wood rots and paint peels. Life is hard work. Mr. Bluebird’s “To Do List” showed:

  • Get a worm. Fly back.
  • Get a worm. Fly back.
  • Get a worm. Fly back.
  • Chase a squirrel.
  • Get a bug. Fly back.
  • Get a worm. Fly back.

Ugh! Reading that list is tedious, much less doing it every hour of the waking day. After many flights, Mr. Bluebird introduced some variety. He took a turn inside the box, giving the Mrs. a chance to flap her wings and get some air.

We can get stuck in a rut with all the repetitive tasks and life can seem boring. There may be times we are ready to toss in the towel and give up on our marriage or our kids. Time is passing. Youth is fleeting. We are certain adventure waits over the horizon. Take a deep breath. We need to patiently filter those moments with a longer term view. Our job is to prepare those little ones to bounce down the runway and take flight into their own tomorrow. So we must keep on keeping on. It’s what Dads do.

Overwhelming satisfaction

Mr. Bluebird waits with anticipation. One day those eggs will hatch and a few weeks later the babies will fly away. The bloodline will be preserved. He sits at his command post watching those little guys embark on the solo flight. If Dad Bluebird could speak, I am sure he would say, “Awesome!”

Amanda and Michelle are making good choices, living responsibly, handling their budgets, and keeping an eye open for a chance to help others in need. Let me say, “Awesome!” I am the only man on earth who they call Daddy. Believe me, it is a weighty title, one I will never stop trying to earn, and one I would never trade.

Happy Father’s Day, Dads!