Dwelling with a female life form in a committed relationship holds an associated degree of danger for the male. The arrangement becomes an adventure ripe with benefits if he can adapt. His survival demands reconnaissance, rapid evaluation of data, and real-time behavioral adjustments. He must become fluent in female-speak. Blame for any failure to grasp any message resulting in an uproar will rest solely with the male.
Here are some survival techniques which will (most likely) negate the before-mentioned benefits.
1, Invest in a set of flesh-colored ear plugs.
Data shows that ladies make most book purchases. The experts cluck their tongues and decry the dumbing-down of the American male. They hold up the popular management books as proof of declining masculine intellect. Many of the best-sellers in this category offer short chapters, small words, and less actual text than a middle grade novel. Headlines trumpet that men are no longer reading.
There is another side to the story.
The female physiology interprets data in unfathomable ways. She notices her man peacefully reading and determines he is available. Her chattiness mode energizes, and his attempt at educating himself reaches a precipitous decision point. He can continue reading and incur her wrath, or he can drop the book and listen.
Some guys opt for long-term occupancy on the throne in the royal reading room to secure their time for perusing educational materials. The downside to this solution is permanent ring-around-the-Rosie.
Flesh tone ear plugs might offer an escape, but use them wisely. Slip them in as you unfold the paper, pick up a magazine, or open that book you just have to read. Your female will sense your stationary position, confirm your location, and initiate her verbiage generator. Her speech energy will bleed through enough to allow detection of pauses. Utter an inconsequential “uh-uh” or “oh my”, satisfy her need for feedback, and continue with your read.
2. Keep a notepad and pen in your pocket.
The average female discussion numbers upwards of 100,000 words. Only about fifty hidden in that flood can return to bite you. Learn to ask summary questions and repeat back your gleanings from the talk. Relax if you miss her message the first time. She will happily repeat using 50,000 words and give you a second chance. A kind woman will offer additional replays cutting the stream until the fifty words are swimming in a smaller pond. Now, you have your chance to capture the message. Write it down. There will be a test.
3. Mark your territory and defend it.
For most men personal space may be limited to the toolbox in the garage, an end table in the least desirable corner, or possibly two drawers in the ten-drawer dresser. Ladies love to decorate, and your space represents undecorated wilderness to tame. Allow one candle to settle in your territory and doilies, dried flowers, and doo-dads will follow. Be alert. Watch for invasions, and repel the decoration fungus before it overruns your land.
4. Share your knowledge.
Your wisdom must be shared to ensure smooth operation of the household. Conduct free training classes as needed in the following critical areas:
- Operating a toilet seat.
- Replacing depleted toilet paper supplies. (Or at least demonstrate how to toss a new roll into the general area of the toilet.)
- Reloading paper in the printer.
- Returning all entertainment-related remotes to their designated location.
5. Keep an abundant supply of Get Out of Doghouse Free cards.
Follow these suggestions, and you will no doubt need them.
Men, we both know this is not the way to build a marriage. You will find a better choice, the DIY Marriage Repair Kit at DIY Marriage Repair. The repair kit is suitable for a group event or for an intimate couple date. Use your imagination, and give your wife an evening she will treasure.