Dear Designers and Manufactures of Female Garments,
I marvel at the technology you’ve engineered into materials that allow them to expand in size many times beyond their idle state. As they stretch without rupturing your products cover valuable assets under extreme circumstances. I see your work, and I applaud your efforts.
Many of your creations, though, have no obvious front or back. While the consumers of these products seem to know how the items are worn, it is not surprising that guys are often unable to determine if their women are coming or going. And that is where you can help us.
Household laundry, once an exclusively female domain, now includes stay-at-home and work-from-home dads and husbands. Guys are fascinated with all the settings on the machinery and while we may be tempted to freestyle we understand that changing the color of the garments in process or shrinking them below the idle-state mentioned in paragraph one may result in relational discord. We therefore strive to do a consistent job by repeating a process until it becomes second nature.
Guys are taught a clothing process, a standard if you will, from the early days of self-dressing, TGIR. I’ve garbed myself for nearly twelve lustrums and cannot recall a single item of clothing in my wardrobe that deviated from this norm. The acronym stands for Tag Goes In Rear. A man can find his clothes in the dark, locate the tag and despite his physical or mental condition has a better than even chance of installing the garments correctly. The same man, should he be so motivated, can use the tag as an orientation landmark when folding or hanging clothes.
Based on months of data collected in the field I note that female garments sport tags in odd locations if they have them at all. That prevents processing these items rapidly and consistently on laundry day. May I ask for a consideration? Will you champion the cause of process-oriented males working the laundry and declare your support for TGIR? Will you become the trendsetter in the world of female fashion who insists that your assembly personnel place the tag where males expect to find it?
I appreciate your prompt attention to this matter.
Where’s the blim-fizzled tag?